Sunday, 20 November 2011

Twilight; Breaking Dawn - The Review

I know you all know by now that although I am 25 years old, I go weak at the knees like a little twatish fan girl whenever The Twilight Saga (or more importantly Edward Cullen) is mentioned.  I have no idea even WHY, but I just love it.

It all started 3 years ago.  My sister lived in Malaysia so I went out there for 2 weeks to visit her, and when I arrived she asked me if i'd been reading the Twilight books.  I had seen the films advertised and thought they were all a big load of shite to be honest.  She managed to convince me to borrow her copy of the first book and have a go of reading it.  I was with her on holiday for 2 weeks and in that 2 weeks I read the first 3 books, I literally could not put them down.  The flight home from Malaysia is roughly 9 hours, I bought the last book at the airport and by the time I landed back in England I had finished it.  I LOVED THE BOOKS.

The films for me are a different story.  I loved the stories so much I have seen all the films and watched them over and over and over and although I love them, they aren't a patch on the books.  The only reason the films are good is because I genuinely think the casting of R-Patz for Edward Cullen and Taylor Lautner for Jacob is spot on.  Kirsten Stewart as Bella makes me want to rip my own skull off, she is the WORST ACTRESS I have ever seen.

Anyway, so it was with great excitement I managed to convince my sister to come with me on opening night to see Breaking Dawn.  My sister is totally not bothered about it, but I wanted to go at the first opportunity and knew she'd come with me.  I spent all day on Friday super excited about it, to the point where I was freaking myself out a bit.  We got to the cinema and I got my Breaking Dawn combo (salt popcorn, medium diet coke and a FREAKING BREAKING DAWN TOTE BAG!!!!) and then settled down to watch the film...

The film totally lived up to my expectations.  I knew it had to be good as the last book is my favourite book of the series.  It has the most action, most drama and most substantial storyline out of all of them.  The final book has been split into 2 parts, and the first film was based on half of the first book.

It starts out with Edward and Bella getting married, even though Jacob is running about like a big wet dog moaning to anyone that'll listen that he is better for Bella and she really loves him.  SHE DOESN'T JACOB, get over it el desperado!  Anyway, so they get married and the wedding is beautfil, and i'm not just talking about Edwards FACE.  I don't want to spoil it, but the choice of song that is used in the film whilst they are saying their vows is amazing.  It actually made me gasp out loud and it totally tied in this film with the backstory before it.  I would have cried had my sister not threatened to leave if I had.

The story continues with Ed and Bella going on their honeymoon, getting it on for the first time and Bella winding up pregnant with a half vampire half human baby.  The baby grows extremely quickly and makes Bella really ill because it's taking all the goodness from inside her.  It winds up with Bella needing to drink blood to feed the baby which is totally grim.  The wolves get all pissy about it and try to fight the Cullens, resulting in Jacob and 2 of the other wolves splitting off from the main tribe and creating their own.  Bella goes into labour but the baby is too big and being half vampire, decides to try and bite it's way out of her, leaving Bella basically dead.  Edward Pulp Fictions her with a massive injection of his venom to her heart, effectively trying to change her before she dies, and then it's a waiting game to see if it works.  It does, she slowly changes, and the film ends with Bella opening her eyes for them to be BRIGHT RED where she is a BLOOD THIRSTY CRAZY NEWBORN VAMPIRE THAT WANTS TO KILL EVERYONE.

I was really pleased with the film itself.  They could have easily been all half assed about it and got away with it but they weren't.  The wedding was hardly on a par with the Royal wedding, but it was just right for the film.  The honeymoon was a bit of a disappointment, in that in the book Edward beats the living shit out of Bella when they get it on for the first time, yet in the film she walks away with a few bruises on her shoulder and that it's it.  The pregnancy was good, the make up and computer imagery made Bella look horrifically ill and totally thin, but when the baby came out it was CGI'd to absolute f*ckery and it made the whole thing a bit laughable.  I was also impressed that they showed you Bellas hair and face slowly changing from sh*t and normal into a beautiful vampire - they didn't really have to show the transformation, they could have just showed you her once she was changed.  I really wanted to see Bella as a vampire though and you didn't in this film.  I know it'll make it better for the next film, but we have to wait a whole sodding year for it to come out and that is just LONG and ANNOYING.

All in all I give it 9/10 - there were a few laughable bits and considering I have read the books about 4 times I knew exactly what was going to happen.  The hard thing with The Twilight Saga is that the books are so good they let you imagine every last detail in your head, so when something is very different in the films to what you have imagined you automatically thinks its rubbish.  Breaking Dawn was the best film for being as close to what I thought would happen, and just because I am a massive retarded Twi-hard I cannot wait for the next (and last *sob*) offering.  For now I will have to console myself with my Edward Cullen life size cardboard cut out.

Now here's some still from the film.  Dribble.

Waaah Edward!
I need help.  Help me.


  1. Did you not see the extra bit with the "Volturi Crew"??

    Also didnt appreciate Ed's hair in the first half. But him getting nekked made up for it!

    Dont you think that Jacob is more of a "Gay-Cub"??

  2. What extra bit? No I didn't *sob* Was it after the credits at the end?

    I know, he looked a bit weird and considering he is meant to be perfect, his teeth are a bit messed up - but I love him all the same!

    Jacob winds me up, he needs to stop running around feeling sorry for himself. Maybe he'll leave Bella the HELL alone now he loves her babby

  3. I love men with those inwards teeth. Like David Bowie used to have, i think its sexy and wolf-like. grrr

    Gay-cub is too funny when he is trying to be sexy. He goes all pouty. He should just break out in a "dontcha wish your werewolf was hot like me"

    Not much happened in the extra bit. A note is passed to the Tony Blair Volturi man, that says "the cullens have a new member", one of the other volturi blokes says "oh sorted then" but the then Tony is like "nah, they got somfing i want, Geez"

    But I think you should see it for yourself. (Any excuse). Lol

  4. I don't mind it in real life, but considering he is supposed to be the perfect man I would have thought they'd make his teeth less gray?

    HAHAHA! I think Jacob massively needs to jog on, if I could hear his thoughts like the other wolves I would have bitten his face off long ago.

    Oh dramz, I can't believe they put that bit on at the end when everyone would have left... I am totally going to see it again like the geek that I am, so i'll force all my friends to wait for that bit haha!

  5. I will have to stay anonymous to admit this, but I watch the first film with "directors commentary" which I have NEVER EVER done in my life for anything EVER. I then laughed along everytime RPatz made a joke.

    I was even doing my flirty laugh like "hmm mmm mmm"

    Jacob's wolf thoughts "does my bum look big in this fur?"

  6. I'm going to be honest too. I've watched all the Directors Commentaries, and on Wednesday night I watched Twilight then watched half of the Directors Commentary bit again - straight afterwards.

    There was one bit where Jacob rocked up and R-Patz went "RAAARRR" like he was a big scary wolf and I laughed a lot. Then I sighed, then I glanced at my Edward Cullen cardboard cut out and went all shy.

    Don't stay anonymous, WHO ARE YOU?!

    Charlie's dad thoughts: "why is my daughter such a spaz?"

  7. Think i might have to re-visit all the DVD's and spend some quality time with RPatz. What film is the "RARRR" bit on??

    I got it bad, i've even bought his other films. But they are usually a bit rubbish, so I fast forward to all the RPatz bits. Like a dirty old man with a porno.

    Just found out the have a waxwork of him at Maddame Tussaurds. I would do bad things to that statue, im telling ya.

    Talking of spazzyness, i had a whole other secret life where I was having an affair with Rob for quite a long time. I'd even recast my self as Martine McCutcheon (which is the worst of the spaz behaviour).

    Do you want the details?

  8. I'm sure it's Eclipse as I remember it being quite near the beginning and Jacob doesn't get his mutt on until quite near the end of New Moon.

    NO WAY. I might have to go and get all rapey at MT on my lunch break.

    Martine McCutcheon? I hope you weren't wearing that AWFUL purple jumper and high waisted jeans combo in your fantasy, as that means it would instantly morph into a nightmare.

    The details of what? YOUR IDENTITY? Come forth fellow R-Patz nutjob!

  9. Lol the details of my imaginary affair I meant. Ive made it into a film (also in my head).
    We meet in a posh london hotel. And then get it on in the lift.
    Then we keep meeting. And getting it on!
    There is a lot of this in my film. That man is insatiable.
    But we only meet on a saturday night in the posh hotel. So the press dont catch us.
    But I always rush off early the next morning.
    One night he moans about it. And Im like "bovvered" and he is like "ive been flying in from LA for the past month cos i am bothered" (cos he's still posh and im still common, also he's in love with me).

    SOooooooo cant tell you who i am, ive just gone red typing this.

  10. I am literally HOWLING with laughter at this, it is amazing. I think it should be made into a film. I'll play you!

    That's it, I am totally launching a Twitter search to find you now... I have your IP address :)

  11. I just tweeted back. im too new to twitter. I only go on it to check the TOWIE lot are ok.
    I have one follower that i dont know. Apparently she "give's blow jobs 2". Lucky me, eh?

  12. Ahhhh I have a feeling I just scared you threatening you with IP address revelations! Haha I am following you back now, I think you are about to be my favourite tweeter.

    Can I just ask - how did you find me to follow on Twitter? Please tell me it was nothing to do with the TOWIE mongs? x

  13. I like being anonymous on twitter, cos on FB im friends with family, and work peeps. Think I have tweeted about 4 things. I like that i can swear on there too.

  14. okay i feel bad now for not telling you who i am. Its kerry from your old work.
    We were fb friends and you mentioned your twitter name. it was when i was new to twitter and only had Stephen Fry and The Gugenheim on my thing.

    its ok, you already said im bat shit crazy.