Thursday, 18 April 2013

Samantha Brick for Christs sake

Guess who’s back...

That’s right, I have come back out of blogging retirement and Samantha Brick is going DOWN.

Yep, she’s done it again – that selfish, irresponsible, self indulgent woman has rambled too far this time.  She’s written an article about how if women want to stay beautiful (she’s even written ‘like me!’ in brackets after those words), then they have to constantly diet.  Where do I even fucking begin?

She starts by saying that she was having a dinner party and told her friends not to bring any food with them.  She then writes “when one friend arrived and thrust a hefty box of chocolates into my hands, I rewarded her with ice cold contempt rather than the grateful smile she was clearly expecting”.  The reason Brick’s friend (I use this in the loosest possible terms, because I refuse to believe she has any real friends left) was expecting a smile, is because this is something a polite and friendly person would do.  Whether she wanted the chocolates or not, treating someone with ‘ice-cold contempt’ because they have given you some is just rude and immature.  She thinks being on a diet means you can ignore manners, social etiquette and politeness?  If she had done that to me, I would have never stopped punching her.  EVER.  I would have quit my job and never washed again, just so I could keep punching her.

“Any self respecting woman wants to be thin”.  For a writer she has used an extraordinary set of words there.  So if you don’t want to be thin you don’t respect yourself?  I am not what you would class as thin – someone like Samantha Brick would probably call me fat, but I feel in myself I am neither skinny nor fat.  I am in some squashy, untoned place within these two labels.  Regardless of this, I do respect myself and I for one, don’t care about labels.  One of the million things that is wrong with this article is that Brick is labelling herself, other women, everyone else CONSTANTLY.  As a woman in the media she should be encouraging women not to worry about how many biscuits they had at lunch, but to ignore the labels.  Teach them that they are just themselves, and they should be comfortable this way.  *belts out Born This Way by Gaga* *rest of office joins in for a spontaneous musical number*

“I don’t believe overweight is ever attractive”.  One word here - Adele.  Albeit overweight, I think Adele is ridiculously, STUNNINGLY beautiful.  Being attractive isn’t about the size of your waist line, nine times out of ten it boils down to confidence, some good make up and a smile.  Adele is more attractive then most people I know, and I bet most blokes would rather be in bed with Adele having a laugh then banging away at the cold dead eyes of Samantha ‘ironing board' Brick.  But GOD FORBID we should say someone else in this universe was more attractive then this stupid blonde hemorrhoid.

She then goes on to say that Joan Collins has confirmed that the only way to maintain an hourglass figure into your 70s is to spend every day of your life on a diet.  Food, eating and meals are a very social thing, and I would hate to spend the rest of my life not wanting to participate in said meals because all I could eat was a fucking breadstick.  Fuck that for a month, let alone for the rest of my life!   Some of us have better things to do then stay at home alone being thin. 

“I was glad to see the back of Easter this month, as it seems to have been hijacked by the greedy masses who regard it as a free pass to gorge on chocolate” – this response is short and sweet;  Don’t take any notice about what other people are doing at Easter, you stupid bitch.

“My husband of 5 years frequently tells me that if I put on weight he will divorce me” – surely by now Pascal (the horrifically long suffering OR equally as self indulgent, arrogant and vile husband) has worked out that Brick getting fat is the least of his problems whilst she still has a voice box and the ability to communicate?  She’s lucky he hasn’t disposed of her rake like body in the River Seine by now.

It’s now got to that inevitable point where I can barely be bothered to read any more.  She says to lose her puppy fat when she was 14 she spent the best part of a year only eating marmite on toast with no butter and when she was at college she lived on 1 packet of polos for breakfast and 1 for lunch, only stopping when her dentist told her about the damage she was doing to her teeth.  I guess Brick would rather have breath like a tramps armpit then be SHOCK HORROR, a size 12 or something?!  God damn she’s irritating.

She finishes off the article nicely with the most incredible statement from the entire article.  She says once every quarter she embarks on a low calorie diet that ensures a weight loss of half a stone, but coincidentally means she doesn’t have “the mental or physical fortitude to work”.  Is this woman on crack?!

I know she does this for the headlines, and I know people like me feed her (ha) sense of self worth and bank account, but this needs to be said.  Does she really think what she is saying is welcomed by other women, and a responsible way to live?  Surely being happy and trying to cut out a bit of the junk (but not too much, effectively eating whatever you want) is the healthiest way to live.  I would rather be out having a laugh at a meal with Brick sneering at me in the background, then laid up in bed too tired to move, but a size 6?  God I can’t believe the Daily Mail actually let this woman write on their website.  I know they are all for controversy but this entire article is self-deprecating to women, irresponsible and a disastrous move from a woman who other girls could look up to.   As much as the thought of her being a role model for anyone is inconceivable, i’m sure she is and due to this I have this one final comment:  she needs to learn to watch her mouth more than her waist line.

*eats gigantic cookie*.