I’m sorry, I tried to not do it. I HATE myself for doing this, but I literally CANNOT stop myself from this Liz Jones rant I am about to enter into.
Her article today is something else. If you have been with my blog from the beginning or have happened to go back and read it all, you’ll know this isn’t the first time Jones has incited so much hatred in me that I felt compelled to write it all down. I could just smash my hands into the keyboard 10,000 times and create a piece of work that looks a bit like this: dfkljasghadfjkghkadfjlghasdkjfhasjkh – I feel this would be beneficial for one reason only: It is the only suitable response to the steaming pile of horse f*ck that is her article today. I might include some of this keyboard smushing frustration in my post, so bear with me.
I don’t know how best to word this rage so I am going to use the same format as before, which is picking out the lines I have the most problem with and writing my comments on them. I do actually feel like plastering a incredulous look of disbelief on my face and screaming each quote over and over again until someone tranquilises me from afar, like a raging hate filled rhino. If I was a rhino I would make it my mission to get on a plane from Africa, come to London and stick my horn so far up Liz Jones that there would be no question of a doubt why she couldn’t have kids. JUST LET ME DO THIS:
“I wanted a career, freedom, a nice house and to keep my figure, As a feminist I looked down on mumsy types” – So basically Liz starts off her article by saying if you have a child you cannot be any sort of feminist, and instead have to spend your entire life pandering to men and revoking your right to vote. Having a child is the single most powerful thing a woman could do in terms of her personal life, and any sort of feminist would fully back any woman that wanted to make a success of herself AND have children. Don’t try and pass off your ‘old left on the shelf hag status’ as being a feminist for too long.
“Shall I list the way in which we were a mismatch? He lived with his parents before he lived with me, and earned very little money.” Didn’t everyone in the entire world live with their parents before they lived with someone else? If you didn’t make a habit of going after boys less than half your age then you wouldn’t have to worry about these things, you gold digging hot mess.
“Trevor had never given me what I wanted from a relationship. At first, he wouldn’t even have sex with me” Can you blame him? You are clearly MENTAL. Another reason might be because your face looks like a year old bin liner a cat has had a sh*t on.
““I don’t trust you” he said, muttering something about women claiming to want a career, but underneath wanting to start a family” Erm, he’s right to not trust you? You follow this comment by saying you “called his bluff and said you didn’t want to have kids” all the while hatching your psycho plan to inseminate yourself in the comfort of your own bathroom. MeNtAl. One other thing, have a bit of respect for yourself Jones. If your boyfriend outright tells you he doesn’t trust you then why are you with him? WORST RELATIONSHIP EVER.
“I thought it was my right [to steal his sperm] given that he was living with me and I had bought him many, many M&S ready meals” SDKLFSDJKAFFJKHASDKDFJAS WHAT THE ACTUAL EFF YOU ABSOLUTE NUT JOB! How do you have a job, why do you have a job, why does anyone even care about your opinions? I bought my friend a box of chocolates the other day, does that mean I now have the sole rights to her ovaries? If I decide I want them she has to offer them up to me at the drop of a hat in case I can’t have kids? No. It’s called being in a relationship and being generous and NOT BEING GOLD DIGGING. Feeding someone regularly to stop them from dying doesn’t mean you are entitled to steal their bodily fluids in the hope of making a mini-hag like you.
“I do believe that any man who moves in with a woman in her late 30s or early 40s should take it as read that she will want to use them to procreate” – First off, if any man is with any woman who describes the relationship as ‘using them’ to have a family, then get out now. Also, most women of this age are not bat sh*t crazy and will actually speak to their partner if they want to start a family, not just rob them of their sperm while they are asleep like some hormonal jizz thief.
“So when is a woman most likely to become a sperm-snatcher?” NEVER. Most women will NEVER become a sperm-snatcher!!!!!!!!
“[I wish the sperm-theft had worked] Not, i’m ashamed to say, because I think i’d be a particularly good mum, but because our relationship would not have been a waste of time with nothing to show for it but bad memories and a shared cat”. I see that she wants a child for all the right reasons? She actually wrote that. That is actually on the Daily Mail website RIGHT NOW.
“Liz Jones to friend: “Did you steal his sperm?” Friend: “Not in the way you described, that’s disgusting. I stopped taking the pill mainly because it was making me fat and moody” Jones: I didn’t reply that I wonder how her boyfriend will feel in a years time when she is fatter and moodier.” Even your friends think you are crazy. Her behaviour IS disgusting and I know I personally would rather be fat and moody and have a child with a person that actually wants to do it, then up the duff by a bloke who I basically STOLE THE BABY FROM WITHOUT HIM KNOWING.
“If there are any men out there even contemplating getting close to a woman in her late 30s early 40s, I suggest you tread carefully. She might be the woman for you, but she might also be a duplicitous creature willing to go to any lengths to fulfil her dreams of having a family.” That should read “if you ever come across me in any sort of environment, run away as quick as you can as I might pull your trousers down and steal your sperm. I will do this by holding it either in my mouth or anus until I get home, then I will insert it inside myself and 9 months later, like a worse version of The Exorcist, produce another me that you will have to associate with for the rest of your life.”
The cat she is holding had better keep it's sperm safe.