Thursday, 3 November 2011

Liz Jones: Rant 2

I’m sorry, I tried to not do it.  I HATE myself for doing this, but I literally CANNOT stop myself from this Liz Jones rant I am about to enter into.

Her article today is something else.  If you have been with my blog from the beginning or have happened to go back and read it all, you’ll know this isn’t the first time Jones has incited so much hatred in me that I felt compelled to write it all down.  I could just smash my hands into the keyboard 10,000 times and create a piece of work that looks a bit like this:  dfkljasghadfjkghkadfjlghasdkjfhasjkh – I feel this would be beneficial for one reason only:  It is the only suitable response to the steaming pile of horse f*ck that is her article today.  I might include some of this keyboard smushing frustration in my post, so bear with me.

I don’t know how best to word this rage so I am going to use the same format as before, which is picking out the lines I have the most problem with and writing my comments on them.  I do actually feel like plastering a incredulous look of disbelief on my face and screaming each quote over and over again until someone tranquilises me from afar, like a raging hate filled rhino.  If I was a rhino I would make it my mission to get on a plane from Africa, come to London and stick my horn so far up Liz Jones that there would be no question of a doubt why she couldn’t have kids.  JUST LET ME DO THIS:

“I wanted a career, freedom, a nice house and to keep my figure,  As a feminist I looked down on mumsy types” – So basically Liz starts off her article by saying if you have a child you cannot be any sort of feminist, and instead have to spend your entire life pandering to men and revoking your right to vote.  Having a child is the single most powerful thing a woman could do in terms of her personal life, and any sort of feminist would fully back any woman that wanted to make a success of herself AND have children.  Don’t try and pass off your ‘old left on the shelf hag status’ as being a feminist for too long.

“Shall I list the way in which we were a mismatch?  He lived with his parents before he lived with me, and earned very little money.”  Didn’t everyone in the entire world live with their parents before they lived with someone else?  If you didn’t make a habit of going after boys less than half your age then you wouldn’t have to worry about these things, you gold digging hot mess.

“Trevor had never given me what I wanted from a relationship.  At first, he wouldn’t even have sex with me”  Can you blame him?  You are clearly MENTAL.  Another reason might be because your face looks like a year old bin liner a cat has had a sh*t on.

““I don’t trust you” he said, muttering something about women claiming to want a career, but underneath wanting to start a family”  Erm, he’s right to not trust you?  You follow this comment by saying you “called his bluff and said you didn’t want to have kids” all the while hatching your psycho plan to inseminate yourself in the comfort of your own bathroom.  MeNtAl.  One other thing, have a bit of respect for yourself Jones.  If your boyfriend outright tells you he doesn’t trust you then why are you with him?  WORST RELATIONSHIP EVER.

“I thought it was my right [to steal his sperm] given that he was living with me and I had bought him many, many M&S ready meals” SDKLFSDJKAFFJKHASDKDFJAS WHAT THE ACTUAL EFF YOU ABSOLUTE NUT JOB!  How do you have a job, why do you have a job, why does anyone even care about your opinions?  I bought my friend a box of chocolates the other day, does that mean I now have the sole rights to her ovaries?  If I decide I want them she has to offer them up to me at the drop of a hat in case I can’t have kids?  No.  It’s called being in a relationship and being generous and NOT BEING GOLD DIGGING.  Feeding someone regularly to stop them from dying doesn’t mean you are entitled to steal their bodily fluids in the hope of making a mini-hag like you.

“I do believe that any man who moves in with a woman in her late 30s or early 40s should take it as read that she will want to use them to procreate” –  First off, if any man is with any woman who describes the relationship as ‘using them’ to have a family, then get out now.  Also, most women of this age are not bat sh*t crazy and will actually speak to their partner if they want to start a family, not just rob them of their sperm while they are asleep like some hormonal jizz thief.

“So when is a woman most likely to become a sperm-snatcher?”  NEVER.  Most women will NEVER become a sperm-snatcher!!!!!!!!

“[I wish the sperm-theft had worked] Not, i’m ashamed to say, because I think i’d be a particularly good mum, but because our relationship would not have been a waste of time with nothing to show for it but bad memories and a shared cat”.  I see that she wants a child for all the right reasons?  She actually wrote that.  That is actually on the Daily Mail website RIGHT NOW.

“Liz Jones to friend:  “Did you steal his sperm?”  Friend: “Not in the way you described, that’s disgusting.  I stopped taking the pill mainly because it was making me fat and moody” Jones:  I didn’t reply that I wonder how her boyfriend will feel in a years time when she is fatter and moodier.”  Even your friends think you are crazy.  Her behaviour IS disgusting and I know I personally would rather be fat and moody and have a child with a person that actually wants to do it, then up the duff by a bloke who I basically STOLE THE BABY FROM WITHOUT HIM KNOWING.

If there are any men out there even contemplating getting close to a woman in her late 30s early 40s, I suggest you tread carefully.  She might be the woman for you, but she might also be a duplicitous creature willing to go to any lengths to fulfil her dreams of having a family.”   That should read “if you ever come across me in any sort of environment, run away as quick as you can as I might pull your trousers down and steal your sperm.  I will do this by holding it either in my mouth or anus until I get home, then I will insert it inside myself and 9 months later, like a worse version of The Exorcist, produce another me that you will have to associate with for the rest of your life.”

The cat she is holding had better keep it's sperm safe.
Home alone: Liz is resigned to her own childless state now she is in her 50s but thinks it would have been better to have been honest with her exes about my desire to be a mother

31 comments:

  1. The only explanation I can offer is that she's being kept around by the Daily Mail to drive traffic to their site. Don't feed the trolls!

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  2. I can't help it, I tried not to but the rage was just too strong!!

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  3. I for one support Liz Jones and just think she's misunderstood.

    Bullying someone based on mistakes they've made in the past is hardly a good example to set, is it? At least she's done something with her life.

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  4. SallyAnne, for reals?

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  6. "Bullying someone based on mistakes they've made in the past is hardly a good example to set, is it? At least she's done something with her life."


    so if your not an obviously massive prat you have done nothing with your life.... thanks for the heads up i shall no go and end mine as it OBVIOUSLY has no meaning because im not a feminist in a world that no longer give two shits what you have between your legs....

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  7. if she stole my sperm i would set myself on fire

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  8. First time commenter, long time reader. She is bat shit crazy, no doubt, but at least by writing this dribble she may have exorcised some evil twisted part of herself and be a better person for having to deal with the fallout afterwards.

    I suspect not, but then I'm cursed with optimism without realism.

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  9. How this stupid, immature, self-obsessed moron has such a successful career in journalism I will never understand. Sums up The Daily Mail nicely though. And for the amount of money she spends on herself and the fact that she DOESN'T have children she looks like shit.

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  10. With the state of her mush it's hardly surprising she'd have to steal it no one this side of Stevie Wonder could possibly keep there dinner down.

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  11. i actually laughed out loud to your retort. Even crazy people would be too embarrsed to embrace this nutter as their own.

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  12. I think I just wet myself reading this, amazing.

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  13. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2056871/PMQs-Did-Labour-MP-Andela-Eagle-really-wag-little-finger-David-Cameron.html

    If you think Liz Jones is bad, can you believe this shit gets published? I gave up trying to read it in the end, it is nonsensical!

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  14. This sounds like my ex-wife, the only difference being that she succeeded twice and I have two boys to her! Goes without saying that I wouldn't be without them now even though they live 2 hours away and I only see them every 3 weeks, however it was never the plan when we set out (at least not for me anyway!)

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  15. Sally-Anne - Mistakes are impulsive, one time deals. Not intensely thought out schemes used repeatedly. She's just a bonkers jizz thief.

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  16. I don't see the problem here. I often spend my nights breaking into mens houses like a demented tooth fairy, then locking myself in their bathrooms to rub myself off with their spunk-crusted socks. Doesn't everybody?

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  17. Thank you for a great post - you've listed all the reaaons why lve got a problem with this article. She clearly has no idea what a feminist is, and has cast a slur on all women in their late thirties by suggesting they are all as dishonest, selfish and inconsiderate as she is.

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  18. "http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2056871/PMQs-Did-Labour-MP-Andela-Eagle-really-wag-little-finger-David-Cameron.html

    If you think Liz Jones is bad, can you believe this shit gets published? I gave up trying to read it in the end, it is nonsensical!"

    Laura - I couldn't agree more. Here I am, struggling to micro- and macro-blog and no-one gives a toss (or more importantly, cash), and that twit can publish a series of short, unrelated sentences containing nothing but contiguous incongruity AND get a fat fee off the Nazis at the Daily White Male Supremacists. It's beyond belief.

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  19. What I find most disappointing and upsetting (as I always do with this kind of thing) is that she has made the classic error: 'I am a feminist, I thing and do xyz [in this case sperm theft], therefore all females must do as I do if they are feminists'. It's a tragically flawed way of thinking (ESPECIALLY when combined with someone who seems to be deluded and narcissistic to start with) and one which gets feminism a bad name.

    Women are human individuals, as are men. All should be treated as human individuals and with liberty provided they don't hurt or take advantage of others. Such as, for example, deliberately/dishonestly trying to have a baby without the other's knowledge, causing the partner harm but ultimately the child.

    I wonder how this feminist would react if she read of a guy hitting 40 and sticking holes in the condom or swapping pills for placebos?

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  20. Oh my goodness, thank you for cheering me up. Know it's a serious subject, but it's a well known fact that Liz Jones is certifiable, bless. Keep up the good work. Very funny.

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  21. A feminist that can keep the misogynists happy too! "Another reason [why yr bf won't fuck you] might be because your face looks like a year old bin liner a cat has had a sh*t on." Cue lots of guys lining up to comment on whether they wouldn or wouldn't bang her. Nice.

    Otherwise I agree with you, and I would feel sorry for her if she wasn't paid so much to be this dysfunctional. I'm pretty sure she knows how batshit crazy she sounds, it's a job!

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  22. I totally agree. This woman infuriates me more than anything! I read the DM purely for entertainment, not for any other reason, but she disgusts me.

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  23. Contempt for Liz Jones straddles the gender divide, as indeed it should. She's not just an awful woman, she's a ghastly human being.

    The grab-bag of her insanity seems to hold a big dose of neurosis, and an even larger dose of narcissism. I'd say she has a classic narcissistic personality disorder, which means that in practical terms, her condition is, sadly, untreatable.

    Which leaves only the Glue Factory...

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  24. I love this, it really sums up my thoughts when reading this ridiculous piece of journalism this morning. Do one Jones!

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  25. She should be tried and charged as a class 1 oxygen thief.

    Loved the post RantMorsh :)

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  26. love it, very well said. I am one of those who was determined not to have kids and the pill failed me - have spent 5 years defending myself to all those idiots who thought I had been in denial and planned the whole thing and now she has added fuel to their fire!

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  27. Liz Jones is just batshit crazy. Guiltily enough I enjoy reading her Sunday column in which she goes into excruciating detail about every minute facet of her life. I don't know how she gets near enough to anyone to steal their sperm - the woman makes the dodo look viable.

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  28. I can't even gather my thoughts enough to write a coherent sentence about how angry that column made me, so kudos for pulling off an entire entry! Seriously, she's just managed to make all childless women over a certain age sound like crazy man trapping sperm-hoarders.

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  29. If you read Liz Jones' Wikipedia entry, she was in her late 30's when John Major was Prime Minister. Heaven only knows why she decided to write this article now. She's even more barkingly out of touch than I realised.

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