Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Olympics: Why we should have jogged it right on

This post has been brewing for a while and it has come to the point where the topic is unavoidable and everyone is talking about it.  Therefore, I am going to talk about it too.  I am such a sheep *slashes wrists*

Yep you guessed it, I am going to talk about the Olympics.  Now, you might read this post and totally disagree with everything I am saying – If you do that’s your prerogative, but I know for a fact this month long celebration of totally entertainment related nuisance is going to affect me only in a negative way.  This post was prompted by none other than the comedian Micky Flanagan.  Last night I went to see Micky perform a Work in Progress show (it was excellent by the way, thanks for asking) and at the end he asked if anyone wanted to ask him a question.  Some woman at the front piped up and asked his opinion on the Olympics and he said he didn’t really have one.  He then asked for the crowd to cheer if they were excited about the Olympics and 3 people cheered – 3 people.  That just goes to show that as much as the media and the government are drumming this up to be the highlight of everyone’s year, it’s not.  It’s just going to be the most expensive pain in the ass known to mankind.  Here’s why...

There are obviously good points about the Olympics, but these all appear to be country-wide, general points.  The negative points are ones that directly affect people like me, the people living in the area.  See my awesome little bullet points below


1.   The Olympics being hosted in London will boost the economy and teamed with the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee this year, every f*cker in the world is gonna want a slice of the London pie.
2.   The ‘regeneration’ of Stratford has been somewhat remarkable.
3.   If we pull this off, we’ll go down as LEGENDS in the Olympic hosting world - and that's the most important thing right?
4.   More chance of our athletes doing well as they can nip home at lunch time and have a kip in their own bed
5.   If our athletes DO do well it’ll instil a sense of pride, solidarity and patriotism in all of us, something that has been ripped up and pissed on by the England Football squad.
6.   The process of preparing for the Olympics and actually hosting it has probably created thousands of new jobs.

So there you go.  All sounds fab and rosy doesn’t it?  Well don’t get too comfortable on your high horse Boris, here come the bad...


1.  As a young woman living in Essex but working in the West End of London, this whole tube/travel situation is going to give me some sort of rage related illness, be it a brain tumour, inflamed arse veins or just a plain old stroke.  I haven’t worked out which illness has the highest probability rating yet, but when I have i’ll let you know.
3.   Who ACTUALLY CARES if we ‘successfully host the Olympics’ when most of us can barely afford to eat at the moment?
4.   I know sport is relevant in today’s society and everyone gets behind the team in the World Cup etc, but I really really couldn’t care less if Tom Daly manages a perfect dive, and I suspect the only people that do care are him, his parents and the odd paedophile. 
5.   In the short term yes, the Olympics has created a load of jobs.  I’ll elaborate on this point later.
6.   The Olympic logo is truly awful and makes us look like mentally retarded idiots for designing it, commissioning it and embracing it.  Banksy should have designed it.

So there you go, I am fair, honest and my information comes from a trustworthy source.  It doesn’t really, this is just me thinking it all in my head, but at least I did 6 points for each ok?  Now let’s get down to business...

Point 1:  
So yeah, everyone is going to come to London and stay in our hotels, spend money in our pubs and restaurants, buy stupid models of London buses for £28 and probably go bat sh*t crazy in M&M world, but what does this mean for US?  Well, I for one am going to be massively affected by the Olympics.  Every day I jump on the Tube from work.  I go from Epping station on the Central Line allll the waaaayyyy to Oxford Circus (and if I am feeling properly lazy, i’ll get the Bakerloo line 1 stop to Piccadilly so I don’t have to walk, but shut up it’s none of your business).  If you go onto a tube map, you’ll see that the first station I can change tube lines at is Stratford, the epicentre of doucheness, the homing ground for athletes and wankers.  So I, along with about 58,000 other people will be getting on this train and heading towards Stratford every day.  There is a website called that details all of the problems there are going to be on the Tube, and just looking at it has given me a hernia. 

First off, Stratford might as well just be shown as a massive crater in the ground, as it can barely handle a kids school trip coming through it on a good day let alone half the population of every other country in the world.  Following my hell journey along the map you can see that Liverpool Street, Tottenham Court Road and Oxford Circus are going to be ‘busier than usual’ – That’s nothing compared to Bank, St Pauls and Bond Street though, if they were heart patients in hospital they would have flatlined.  So tell me how the Government have factored normal people into this venture?  How are they planning on helping the normal people not attending the Olympics get to work?  2 extra Central Line trains running a day and an extended running period, taking the last train from 12.30am to 1.30am.  That’s great if I was going to work in a hole until midnight but i’m not.  The ‘times to avoid’ all the above stations are listed as ‘between 7.30am – 10am, 2.30pm – 8pm and 9.30pm – 12.30am’ – great.  So that means technically the only way I am going to survive this 2 week long mong fest is to get in work BEFORE 7.30am, make sure I am home before 2.30pm OR wait till 8pm and give myself an hour to do the whole journey, start to finish.  Great advice.

Point 2: 
Everyone might think the regeneration of Stratford is a good thing, creating a nice shiny new shopping centre, making a massive Olympic village with lots of weird shaped new buildings built for 1 sole reason that’ll be rendered useless after the Olympics – this doesn’t change the calibre of the people you get walking around there.  I know there is nothing the government can really do about this, but Stratford is still a very dangerous place to be on your own at night.  Standing outside Westfield having a fag before you get on the train has you envisaging someone popping a cap in your ass as you rifle through your Forever 21 purchases – it ain’t no disco man.  Also, the buildings – what are we going to do with them after the Olympics?  Ok, we have sh*t loads of new sports facilities – how does this benefit normal people that aren’t sports fanatics? The Olympic village where all the athletes will stay can’t be used as homes afterwards as they aren’t fitted with a kitchen or eating area – there’s just one communal hall where all the athletes will go to eat, so what’s going to happen to the apartments?  11 billion has been spent on this project so far and I can’t see a genuine use for any of this site afterwards.  They can’t even turn one of the stadiums into a music venue, with the 02 so close and Wembley just around the corner it’s simply not required.  Recession you say?  You’d never believe it...

Point 3: 
Pretty self explanatory really, whether we do a good job of this or not it will not affect my day to day life.  I’ll still have to get up and go to work the same – i’ll still be paid the same money and have to do the same job.  I’ll still have the same friends, family and escapades outside of work.  Therefore, at this moment in time, in this economic climate where I have to save up just to get my car serviced and i’m so broke I can’t even spend time, I have no interest in listening to information regarding my country spunking lots of money up the wall for purely recreational, entertainment purposes when so many are suffering with extreme money worries right now.  And breathe.

Point 4: 
This is something I will never understand about this country.  SO MUCH MONEY is spent on things that aren’t necessary.  Football players are paid MILLIONS of pounds, but what they do doesn’t change lives.  I know everyone agrees with my sentiment that the highest paid people in this country should be the Doctors, Nurses, Ambulance Workers, Soldiers etc – the people who genuinely affect and make a difference to all of our lives.  If someone went out and spent £38 million on tv you would think they are crazy... but no one bats an eyelid when that’s spent on a football player?  It’s the same thing, IS PURELY ENTERTAINMENT and this is something VERY WRONG WITH OUR COUNTRY.  The Olympics is just the same – it’s not compulsory, it’s not a matter of life and death... it’s just enjoyment, and I am sure enjoyment can be found in alternative ways, ways that don’t cost the entire country 11 billion pounds.  I mean, what’s wrong with just having a little hopscotch tournament in the local playground or something?  After about 18 jaegerbombs it’ll definitely be entertaining.

Point 5: 
There are no 2 ways about it, the Olympics has created thousands of new jobs – but who for?  When the Olympic village first started to be built my dad went to the site to try and enlist for some work..  He is a Bricklayer, self employed and has been his entire life.  He’s honest, hard-working, conscientious and English.  The perfect person to be enlisted to help with the production of the Olympics right?  Wrong.  He went to the site and was confronted by lots of Polish workers – none could speak English, they were probably working for half the money my dad would have requested and they practically chased him out of the site – how is this fair?  Why does this massive event come to my city, the city where my dad has lived ever since he was born and foreign people are favoured over him when this venture is marketed as ‘creating jobs for everyone’.  When I heard about that it really infuriated me, especially because following this the recession hit and my dad was out of work for a long time and it was a great worry for him and my mum.  I don’t want you to think I am being racist, that’s irrelevant in what I am trying to say.  I just don’t get how loyal hardworking Englishmen are not favoured in their own country when work is hard for everyone, but instead foreign and (normally) illegal immigrants are given the work instead – they aren’t the ones that pay taxes, they aren’t the ones that are above board.  It’s something i’ll never understand.

Point 6: 
That logo is a fucking embarrassment.  The end.

I know everyone is very opinionated about the Olympics, the people that support it REALLY support it, the ones that don’t are also quite vocal.  I would love to know your thoughts, whether you agree or disagree with anything i’ve said.  I won’t really listen to it, i’ll still have a mental breakdown on the tube once it’s started, but at least it’ll be nice to see your little name in my comments section below right?  Go.


  1. Micky has a point.
    a year off or an olympics?? great read Moshmallow!

    1. Of course you were there! Wasn't he brilliant? I'd take a year off any day :)

      Thanks hun xxxx

  2. you forgot to mention the hundreds of people who are volunteering to help out, was there not enough money left to pay them even a minimal wage for time they are working.
    or the farce surrounding ticket sales... reserving tickets, not knowing what you get or how much it will cost you, or even the fact that 95% of the population, including some families of those who are competing, won't get a chance to attend.
    These games will cost us dearly

  3. Billions of pounds spent on an event that will last 2 weeks. Billions of pounds that could have been evenly distributed to those in need. Billions of pounds that the government has spent even though we are supposed to be a country in debt?! Methinks if I don't want to pay my council tax next month I have every right...seeing as it's perfectly ok for the government to become overdrawn and yet still spend money on frivolous things like a whole Olympic city. I'll never understand the logic :0/

  4. Rock on Morsh couldnt have put it better myself x

  5. The only thing positive thing I can say about this shower of shite is that it would be even worse if it were being run by Ken and Tessa Jowell... but that's small comfort.

    The logo sums it up. And those fucking mascots. Some cunt was acutally paid to come up with that shit. And that same cunt must wake up laughing every morning.