An intelligent woman once said to me, “the trick is never to force yourself to blog, if you aren't inspired by anything then don't despair! I'd much rather read something that really matters to someone where you can hear their passion (hello! Liz Jones rants!) than a blog post for the sake of it” – Thank you to the lovely @styladelica for the comment and for talking sense. Funnily enough on this very day you’ll be pleased to know (I am sure) that I have found something that has inspired me all the way to my LOINS, so much so that I can’t concentrate on work, I can’t sleep (8 hours is minimal) I can’t eat (ignore that chicken bacon mozzarella and basil ciabatta I just had, I was crying inside as I stuffed it in my mouth). I think it’s safe to say I am officially INSPIRED.
This all started on what I thought was going to be an average day. I chilled out yesterday and then went to see Batman last night with Jo and Charlie. It all started off normal, I bought the standard gallon of popcorn and a bucket of sprite for the reasonable price of £37,000, and then settled into my seat. I had even joked that I might fall asleep while the film was on, as it’s BATMAN and i’m not a boy. Little did I know that I was mere seconds away from a lightning bolt of pure red hot unadulterated passion that would change my life forever.
I have known about Tom Hardy for ages. I have always admired him, always known that he was amazingly fit, but seeing him as Bane in Batman drove me to near destruction. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY. You can’t see his face in the film as it is covered by that stupid mask that makes him talk like the lead character from that rubbish board game Atmosphere, but that just added to the attraction for me. It was all about his mad serial killer eyes, his shaved veiny skinhead, and the muscles, OH MY GOD THOSE MUSCLES. The film started, Bane rolled onto the screen and I didn’t breathe for the next 3 hours. By the point in the film where he was shown without the mask (for all of 2 seconds), I nearly had a seizure. Don’t worry, I won’t spoil it for all of you that haven’t seen Batman yet (FREAKS!) but the film in itself is amazing. I had no idea I would enjoy it as much as I did, but for me this kick started an obsession with T Hards that I didn’t even know was inside me.
I am used to these obsessions on famous people. My first ever TRUE LOVE was none other than Mr Marshall Mathers, Eminem himself. I used to go home from school and fire up my computer, wait 6 years for the dial up internet connection to work and then spend my evenings scouring the internet for pictures of the real Slim Shady. Once I had collected enough, i’d print them all off and stick them all over my wall and then just sit there looking at them FOR HOURS. After the height of this obsession which lead to me sitting on my friends staircase sobbing down the phone as my sister played “Without Me” live from his concert, I moved on, grew up and thought my obsession was over.
Enter Dave Grohl.
This obsession has been ongoing for years, in a way it’s still here and still as strong as it was. Normally they fade but I know my love for the Grohl will never be extinguished, it burns, lightly in the background like a tiny riot fire in some small part of Tottenham. Tom Hardy is the newest one, succeeding Robert Pattinson (but not replacing him FYI). I saw Tom in the film ‘Bronson’ and did wonder if there was something wrong with me because I actually fancied him when he looked like Charles Bronson and I have a feeling that probably should have put me off? It didn’t though and I tried not to think about my burning love for the man who looked like a freak. Then Bane happened to me.
I have just gone out on lunch and bought This Means War, Warrior and RockNRolla so I can get my fill of Tom Hardy whenever I want in the comfort (privacy) of my own home, because frankly the actual shit fit I was having watching him in Batman last night should not have been viewable to the general public. The cashier in HMV nearly gave me a hernia when he said I was entitled to Robert Pattinson’s new film for free because I spend over £20 and shortly afterwards I awoke to find myself propped up in a chair being doused in water, newly christened the proud owner of these 4 films that will end me tonight for sure.
Do any of you have mental obsessions with famous people? Before any of you think I am on my own with this, my friend Charlie could barely watch Batman last night as she is so in love with Christian Bale and she’s had the full blown love shits for David Beckham ever since I can remember. So there.
Now we will view a short slideshow of Tom Hardy's best faces.